I've always had women and they didn't do much for me or my mental state.
they all tried though but I don't think I was ever interested in changing "for" someone else.
the breakups have always among the greatest catalysts of change throughout my life though so maybe women do define much of these years one way or another.
if you have the idea that you haven't done shit with your life it's probably because there's some standard in your mind for what you'd like your life to look like or at least for what you'd consider a life with some substance to it that you're comparing your current situation against.
all of this is to say you probably have some idea of what you want and what you'd like for yourself and your life.
and the reason you feel you're wasting your life by the second probably stems from the tension between this standard that you're to some degree aware of and your current actions (more so than your current situation).
which means you feel this way because you think this way.
which is too many words to say you probably know why you feel this way and you probably know what you have to do in order to stop feeling this way.
i've been very aware of many of my flaws and contradictions since I was very young and it took me over a decade just to start on the way to doing something about it.
but at the end of the day it all comes down to what you're willing to do and endure.
what are you so scared of?
what is it that you have to lose?
what's the worst that could happen?