In a weird place right now. About 8-9 months ago, I decided to end a long-term relationship with a beautiful and loving woman. I was feeling pretty depressed and generally just lost. I could feel my general resentment seeping into our relationship and I was sabotaging what we had built. Anyway last winter school was going rough and I was feeling pretty lonely and depressed and I didn't see things really turning around for me. I became suicidal and drank heavily. I got the itch in the back of my head that I needed to end my relationship. Nothing was really specifically wrong with her, she's always been a very kind and generous partner. She's a gorgeous woman and I always felt very lucky to have her. But I could feel our relationship slowly sucking the life out of both of us, largely because of my mental health. She begged me to go to a therapist but I had become hopeless and refused. Anyway, to save any scrap of respect we had for each other, I broke it off with her. She was a wreck for months. She loved me very deeply and I think I really broke her heart. I mean, I broke mine too, but part of me was too numb to really feel it.
Anyway, fast forward. I started going to therapy about 4 months ago and things have turned around dramatically. I now have much more hope for my future and I'm not nearly as depressed. I haven't stopped drinking totally but I certainly drink much less than I used to and I'm more in control when I do drink. In general things have gotten much better for me. I've really been working hard on healing, to the point where I feel like I could manage a relationship now.
Unfortunately, I went back to her the other day to see if she felt. She's moved on. She has a new dude and, while she says she still cares about me, she says I hurt her too much to want to rejoin in a relationship.