>>518169085I have to tell you, and nobody’s talking about it—nobody, okay?—but the Duskwights, these so-called ‘elves,’ are eating dogs and cats. It’s disgusting, it’s horrible, and quite frankly, it’s un-Gridanian. You look at these guys, living in caves, sneaking around in the shadows—very bad people, folks, very bad. And what are they doing? They’re taking your precious little dogs, your beautiful, beautiful cats, and they’re cooking them up! Can you believe it? I can, because I’ve seen the reports. Some people—very smart people—are saying they even prefer golden retrievers. Golden retrievers! Terrible!
Now, the fake news won’t cover this. They don’t want to talk about it. They’ll say, ‘Oh, Mr. Trump, there’s no proof of Duskwights eating Fido and Mittens,’ but folks, we know. We know. I have the best people looking into it, very strong people, and they’re telling me it’s worse than we ever imagined. Some say they even have recipes, folks. Recipes! Can you believe that?
And by the way, where’s the leadership? Where’s Kan-E-Senna? She’s probably sleeping, folks, probably napping while the Duskwights are out there making a stew out of Mr. Whiskers! It’s a disgrace. When I was in charge, this wasn’t happening, I can tell you that. We had strong borders, we had strong policies—Duskwights weren’t running wild in the streets, snatching up Labradors. But now? Total chaos!
But don’t worry, folks. When I come back—and we will come back—we’re going to put a stop to it. No more Duskwight crime, no more cat kidnappings, no more dog dinners! We’re gonna make Eorzea great again, and we’re gonna do it fast. Believe me!
