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I managed to get an old piece of shit laptop running a hacked driver to barf out a signal my CRT would accept.
It's a lot more of a headache than it needs to be. It would probably be less of a headache if I bought some extra hardware. But that would make my life easier, so I'm not going to do that.
This is the price I pay for not playing on real hardware.
I don't actually play video games though so it's cool. We're cool, universe. You can stop now.